This is a post that terrifies me to write, so I’m just letting whatever comes out come out. No writing this in Word and deciding not to post it. No going back. I’m just editing it on here and posting it.
Hi. If you’re new here I have social anxiety and depression. As a short disclaimer, while I have discussed the depression with multiple medical professionals, whenever I have said “I think I have social anxiety and depression”, everyone seems to ignore the one that makes it terrify to order food in a restaurant and actually talk to other humans, so that’s fun. I did research of my own years ago when I first figured it out, and everything seemed to pretty much to fit me to a T, so if you’re not here for my self-diagnosis that is 100% okay. I just wanted to put all the information out there. If you’re wondering to what extent it affects me, I am currently sweating and nauseous writing this.
Today is the 3 year anniversary of me starting For the Lover of Books, so I decided what better way to thank you than to make myself sick and depress everyone with emotional baggage. Jokes aside, I do want to talk about how my social anxiety has affected my blogging.
The first thing is how when I first started my blog I couldn’t comment on other blogs or my own. It was terrifying. If you’ve seen me around the internet you’ll know that this has changed, but I do still have the occasional issue with comments. I’ll write out a comment, overthink it for 2 hours, feel nauseous and the familiar prickle of anxiety, and decide not to add my voice to the discussion. If you’ve ever written me a long comment and I’ve done to it is liked it or replied with a simple “thank you” this is probably what happened.
I’m super weird with compliments. You aren’t causing me any trouble if you compliment me, but my brain just kind of short-circuits when I give/ receive them. This is something I really want to get better at, but I’m constantly terrified I will say the wrong thing.
I never blog hop. Another thing I want to get better at (I think I’m going to start with the thread of Canadian bloggers I’ve had saved on Twitter forever but haven’t gotten to yet). I rarely ever follow a person before they follow me, and if I do follow a person before they follow me they either liked or commented on one of my posts first. I’m also terrified of sending friend requests on Goodreads (and everywhere else, but I’m trying to keep this book blogging related). It comes from being afraid people will react negatively to it/ think I’m weird (I’m kind of proving those hypothetical people right with this post, but that’s fine). Yes, the rational part of my brain is well aware this is insane, but I really don’t have good control over my anxiety as of right now.
I think that’s all it affects on here. Now on to the profuse showing of gratitude.
Thank you to everyone who has ever read/liked/commented on a post on For the Lover of Books. Thank you to the 131 people who follow For the Lover of Books at the time of writing this. Thank you for being kind to me and patient with me for 3 years. You welcomed a lonely 16 year old girl from small town Ontario onto your screens 3 years ago, and it meant and means the world to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know where I would be without this blog and this community. I love this community so much.
And I would love to be friends. Email me (email@example.com). Friend me on Goodreads. Message me on social media (Twitter:@LoverofBooksblg Instagram:@loverofbooksblog). Do what you have to do to get my attention (with the exclusion of stalking me and finding where I live/ doing anything that will put others in danger, though I’m sure none of you would do that). 1/2 my life is online if you need me.
One last thank you to the people that read all that and made it to the end. Feel free to let me know if this post was TMI (to much information, not The Mortal Instruments)/crossed a line. I’m always open to feedback of any kind.